Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Thank You, 4 Loko.

I finally got around to putting Dropbox on my Linux computer, and started digging through some of my files. I found this letter I'd intended to send to the makers of 4 Loko (October 2011?). I thought I'd never finished it, but apparently I was wrong. I should really figure out where to send it. 
To Whom It May Concern, 
I would like to extend my gratitude to all of you at Phusion Products, LLC for the great service you have done humanity in general and me in particular. Allow me to share a story with you. Before I begin, it is probably worth noting that I am 22, of legal drinking age in the United States.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I, like, like "like"

I remember, when I was a kid, there were a lot of people on a crusade against the ever-growing domain of the word "like." It's burned off lately, mostly--I think--due mostly to the emergence of far more henious crimes against language and grammar such as "LOL" and "OMG leik me 2! u da bes!" But as you can see, even there I can't even manage to make fun of text-speak without invoking the power of "like."

Thursday, August 16, 2012


It was such a pleasant surprise, one that brought a twinge of excitement to what might have otherwise been a boring Wednesday. Kelsey’s mother had told her at breakfast that morning. Somehow, through some miraculous combination of conflicting events, neither of her parents were to be home when she came back from school that day. Her father would be back by five, her mother assured, but Kelsey was hardly paying attention to details by that point; there were exploits to be planned.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


Their chittering was endless. It was like standing behind a flock of birds, a flock of energetic birds that had had two reasonably stiff screwdrivers each, before leaving the apartment. He looked down to check his watch to no real end; like five minutes before, an entire night lay ahead.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Wherefore Art Thou, Dinosaurious?

I wrote this 'story' roughly 4 years ago and surprisingly, it still sort of holds up. It's part of a (never completed) collection called Stories Involving Excessively Personified Objects and Animals for Individuals Who Have Been Children at Some Point in Their Lives but Have Grown up and Consequently Adopted Less Optimistic Outlooks on Life. Maybe I'll get back to it someday. 

Once upon a time, there was a dinosaur named Gerald. Well, he was eventually named Gerald. His given name had actually been the slightly more embarrassing ‘Dinosaurious’ on the account of the fact that he had been named after his grandfather who, in his time, had inexplicably been named after his species. The whole thing had been pretty weird.