Sunday, November 14, 2010

I hereby cast you out, unclean spirit! Also, shut up!

Father Daniel sat at his desk with his mouth hanging slightly open. This was the third letter this week and he just couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Last he checked, and he checked five minutes ago, time was still moving forward, but these letters suggested otherwise. He massaged his temples.
“Jodie, we got another one.”
His secretary called back from the other room.
“Seriously father? I really thought it was just a joke.”
“Have you read any of them; they’re far too outlandish to be a joke.”
“Too outlandish?”
“Even pranksters would take themselves a little more seriously.”
Daniel threw the letter aside and looked through the pile for one that might be a little more palatable, something a little less 17th century. The diocesan newsletter would do it. A little bureaucracy was just the thing he needed to bring him back to the present. But there wasn’t quite as much vanilla bureaucracy as he had hoped, and he never hoped for much vanilla bureaucracy.
“Jodie, I have to admit that I’m getting a bit frightened.”
“Why’s that?”
“There’s, oh Jesus, there’s a diocesan workshop being held.”
“Oh no, oh no, I know you hate those, is it going to ruin your golf-date with Father Jim? I know-“
“No, that’s not it at all. It’s about all these letters.”
“Finally someone’s come to their senses, this was getting a little ridiculous and-”
“No, no they haven’t. It’s more of a training seminar…”
“Training? For what?….no. You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was, apparently they want to train more exorcists.”
“What is this? Pre-Vatican two?”
“I guess, also I think we’ve been teleported to Salem.”
Daniel checked the date on his calendar for the third time in fifteen minutes. Still 2010.
“They’re even instating some sort of ‘registration policy’. You have to get a license. A Catholic spin on evangelical lunacy. Soon we’ll be having seminars on properly speaking in tongues.” He put his head on the desk.
“So who’s going to cast out the demon of stupidity?” Jodie called back.
“Certainly not me, I don’t have a license.”