Friday, November 26, 2010

Burgeoning Pop Star Changes Name in Response to Publicity

Just today, the upcoming pop starlet, formerly known as A.J. Richardson, has taken steps to squelch his rising popularity by making it very, very difficult to talk about him. In the past, 'A.J. ' had made his disdain of the media, and his fans, abundantly clear and has raised many questions about the fan-artist relationship. C**tf**k*er B.J. McT**tlover, as he is now legally known, was kind enough to sit down with us for an interview regarding his recent name change and opinions on the news coverage of popular media. We printed as much of it as our lawyers would allow.

Useless Magazine: A.J., welcome to the Useless Magazine Offices and thank you for sitting down with us. We've been running a capaingn lately to gather questions from our reader base and--

The Artist Formerly Known as A.J. Richardson: Yo yo yo. First of all, f**k you and f**k you too (he gestures to a passing intern). Don't for f**king one f**king second think that I'm here on your f**king terms. I just f**king want to get the f**king word out. f**ker.

UM: Sure. Well we don't want to waste any time, so lets get to the first question. How would you define your relationship with your fans?

AJ: f**k! I don't have a f**king relationship with my f**king fans. My f**king fans have the f**king c**ts I like to f**king f**k. Thats it. f**k 'em, thats what I do.

UM: Ah, I see. Have you given any thought to how this might affect album sales?

AJ: What the f**k do you think? f**k it. I don't know why the f**k y'all listen to my f**king s**t, but as long as the s**t keeps making f**king bills, I'll keep f**king making that f**king s**t. s**t!

UM: Indeed. Now, some people have suggested that your new vulgar attitude was adopted in order to move away from big media coverage and towards word of mouth, which many publicists argue, can be more effective. Was this a calculated move?

AJ: Nah, bro, I just f**king changed my f**king name to C**tf**k*er B.J. McT**tlover because its f**king true. Am I f**king being ironic? f**k irony, hows that for f**king ironic s**tf**k?

UM: Of course. Now, we have one last question, chosen from the thousands that were submitted by our fans. “What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

AJ: V*** I d*****ing so h**x ***s it **** z***t ****er *** and b**** if p***l so how about q****, n****z!

UM: Thank you so much...sir. Best of luck.

AJ: ****